Who is that?

With everything we have gone through in the last year this is the thing that hurts the most. It is easier to deal with physical pain than remember how I felt this day. It is the hardest to write about but I want to share everything not just the good times because God has a plan in all of it. And if you are struggling with Lyme Disease and have similar symptoms you can know that you are not alone and you can have hope that you will get better.

      One morning in September I woke up and did not recognize the man sleeping beside me. I looked at my husband and had no idea who he was. I was confused and scared. Then I looked at my left hand and saw my rings. I had no idea where they were from or why they were there. After a few minutes my memory gradually came back. I remembered who Shawn was but then I was devastated that I had forgotten him. I tried to forget about it but I could not shake that awful feeling. When Shawn woke up I let him know what happened. We both knew that this meant the Lyme was no longer just causing pain and extreme fatigue but was messing with my brain. The Lyme was out of control and there was nothing we could do to fix it on our own.

      In Hawai'i there are no deer ticks so very few people have even heard of Lyme. There are no doctors in the islands who work with Lyme either. Within a few minutes of me telling Shawn what happened we called my Lyme Specialist in Maryland. I was blessed to get an appointment the next week. After a crazy week of arranging things and packing we were off to Maryland.

      It still hurts to remember the way I felt that day. When the trailers for The Vow came out I burst out crying every time I saw it. So many of the clips they showed were like a playback of our life in the months following September. I now avoid seeing anything to do with the movie but when I do I was encouraged to start thanking God for all the things He has blessed us with especially during that difficult time. 

Life with Lyme - The Plan

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Before we got married Shawn and I began planning our jobs, school, and living situation. Normal engagement stuff. It was a crazy time let me tell you! Between planing a wedding and my family planning to move back to the mainland, life was total chaos. 

I had been working as a secretary and got the opportunity to teach Latin full time in the coming fall. I was very excited about my new job especially since I always dreamed of being a Latin teacher but never expected it to happen! Shawn liked the idea too but we soon realized how crazy our lives would be with him finishing school and working and me working around the clock (so many papers to grade!). So we left it in God's hands and trusted it would work out.

We began searching for an apartment soon after we were engaged. Finding affordable housing is not a simple task in Hawai'i. I could write a whole post about that but I shall refrain. We came close to renting places and it wouldn't work out at the last minute. So frustrating! A friend had just moved and had their old apartment vacant for a month. So for the month of June we had a place to live and after that nothing! Right before June ended we found an apartment. I think God was teaching us to trust His timing!

We both worked summer school during June. I was loving teaching the kids but my body was quickly falling apart. It took me a long time to let the kids I was teaching see me on crutches. I had been using them everywhere but work. I explained to them what was going on and they understood far more than I expected. Then my health got to the point where I went to the E.R. several times right after work. I made it through the end of my summer teaching but just barely.

In July I had a few weeks off and I was hoping with rest I would improve but I quickly became worse. I ended up pulling out of the Latin job two weeks before the school year began. It killed me and I felt like I failed but it was the best decision.

Summer ended and I just stayed at home. I spent my days on my laptop, watching television, and occasional crafts but the whole time I had a list of all the other things I wanted to be doing in my mind (housework, cooking, errands, etc.). I was dealing with a lot of pain, brain fog, nausea, headaches, you name it I probably felt it! What not everyone realizes is that Lyme effects your entire body and wherever there is weakness the Lyme attacks that area even more.

At first we thought I was dealing with my nerve injury so we made doctor appointments to figure out solutions. We were just beginning to think it was actually the Lyme when the unexpected happened. But that is for the next post...

Year One, Introduction

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I have been convicted that I need to share exactly what Shawn and I have been going through these past ten months. Our story has been such a testament to the love of our Heavenly Father and I hope it is an encouragement to those who read it. It will not be easy for me to write all of it. Some memories I wish I could forget and I still cry when I think of them. But if I don't start at the beginning and share all the details, you will not be able to see the extent of God's work in our lives.

Over the next few months I will be sharing our story piece by piece. Not sure how long it will take or how often I will be able to post. My health is far better than a few months ago but it is still unpredictable. I hope you will come back and read our story post by post. We have been through so much in our first year as a married couple and I am certain that God has been preparing us for the years to come. And I know that as He has gotten us through this, He will bring us through whatever lies ahead.