Chronically Confusing

If you ever asked me how I am feeling then you probably experienced one of the strangest and most confusing conversations of your life. You see the whole time my mind is conflicted with what to say. On one hand I want to be honest and tell you how bad I truly feel and on the other hand I want you to see the hope I have despite Lyme Disease. Even though this setback has lasted three years I am still trying to learn how to be an advocate for others with chronic illness. And I see honesty as one of the most important aspects of advocacy.

In talking to other friends with chronic illness this seems to be a trend. It's hard to know what to say. The symptoms I deal with on a good day would probably keep you home from work. And I don't want to make you uncomfortable or feel bad for me. I'm pretty comfortable with being sick. In fact I know how to be sick far better than I know how to be well! So if you ask, I'll probably say something like "I'm doing okay." Okay to me is normal but if I feel awful I'll probably tell you. I have an honesty problem!

When someone reads my blog or has a conversation with me, I want them to see the ups and downs of chronic illness. Good days are hard to come by but they happen. And when they do I am thrilled because not only am I having fun but I know that one day every day could feel like that. In the future, I shouldn't have to worry so much about my health and that is an exciting thought! Will the illness still be there? Most likely but I will be mostly back to my "normal" self. I will have to take very good care of myself to keep the illness at bay but I won't have to think of Lyme Disease every second of every day!