Friday, April 24, 2015

The Battle

As I've mentioned before, many doctors are unbelievably rude and condescending toward patients with misunderstood chronic conditions. Lately I have been experiencing more understanding doctors but each time I go into the office I remind myself to believe they have my best interest at heart. The emotional pain I have endured at the hands of "experts" makes this easier said then done. Even when a previous appointment went well I still worry that this will be the appointment that their true colors are shown. But there is hope and I am learning I can trust again.

And then there are the doctor appointments that I am almost certain will go poorly. Infectious Disease doctors are like this, I don't know what they are taught in school but they are so against Chronic Lyme it's ridiculous. I had to see one of them last week but I went prepared for battle. My armor bearer came with me although she is more commonly known as my mother-in-love. If the appointment went predictably horrible either I would be able to muster up the courage to speak against the lies or if all I could do was cry my armor bearer could fight for me.

The Infectious Disease Doctor started spouting off every single lie the CDC had poured down his throat. I knew I wasn't going to change his mind but I also wasn't willing to just take it. I didn't put any energy into my responses. Like when he asked what my symptoms were I said that Lyme has effected everything except my fingernails. Which is very true but it also meant that I didn't have to exhaust myself by listing every symptom when he clearly wouldn't help me.

His response? "Okay, fatigue. So I want to put you on this medication for fatigue. The side effects aren't good though. And then I'll run some blood tests using FDA approved labs. The other labs aren't safe."

In my head I was thinking fatigue is not what I meant, yes the fatigue is bad but I have serious problems everywhere. If I had listened to doctors like you I would not be alive today. And those labs you're mocking, yeah they prove that I am a very sick person! And how about get rid of the infection instead of covering up a symptom!!! But instead I spoke in a rather rude tone and said, "No, I don't want that medication. What tests are you planning to run?"

And you know what it felt good to stand up to an I.D.D. even though that rude tone was basically nothing compared to what I felt inside. It was the first time I ever had the brain capacity and courage to stand up for myself against the likes of him. All thanks to God and my armor bearer sitting beside me.

Of course he ran all the wrong tests and I am still trying to figure out if there is a way I can avoid seeing him to have the results read. I already know what they'll say...absolutely nothing! And then I get an earful of why I don't have Chronic Lyme. It took me a few days to finally get over his daftness. I made a fake award since he should win I.D. doctor of the year according to the CDC. Drawing that award is now on the top of the list of weird things I've done to help myself detox from horrible doctors.  It probably won't be the last but at least I've started to find my voice against Infectiously Daft Doctors!

P.S. I heard from his office today and by some miracle the lab test showed I have Lyme. That has never happened on these tests in my six years of being diagnosed! Usually if Lyme is chronic it cannot be picked up. The doctor said I have a mild case and no treatment was even necessary. What?! Even though this angers me I feel like I won. The test that he believed in should have proved I have Lyme in his eyes. But he is so stuck in his ways that he is unable to say it. So off to Texas I go, where I can get the help I need. At least I know I tried.