My day started at two in the morning yesterday thanks to my heart fluttering all over the place. I was up so early that I drove Shawn to work before the sun was up. On my way back home the sky looked like a beautiful watercolor painting. I really tried to soak it in as I was so tired and only wanted to complain instead of choosing joy. I set my alarm just in case I fell asleep so I wouldn't miss my doctor appointment. I had a thirty minute power nap and then woke up stressed because I forgot to hand in my log book that went with the twenty-four hour heart monitor (thanks brain fog). I called the cardiologist hoping I could just read off the few things I had written but was told I needed to bring it in. At this point I was close to tears but rushed to get ready so I could bring it in to the cardiologist and still make it to my primary care doctor in time.
During the car ride it suddenly dawned on me that it was the tenth anniversary of my initial RSD/CRPS injury. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of all that had changed in ten years and the things that were the same. And then I got frustrated at myself that I wasn't handling it like last year. But it's a different year with different emotions and that is okay. I pulled myself together and made it to both doctor's offices in time.
Later I was thinking how different my life would have been without RSD/CRPS. I would have graduated from the private school I loved and that my parents worked so hard at. I would have finished college and probably started teaching. After that I don't know what might have happened.
What has happened though? I got to be homeschooled by my mom. I have many fond memories of listening to my literature books in the car on my way to doctor appointments. I moved to Hawaii because the RSD/CRPS pain got so bad every winter. And most importantly I met Shawn and for that I am so grateful. If I had the chance to go back I wouldn't take it. I am thankful for my life the way it is but I will always hope that I continue to get better!