Monday, April 30, 2012

Who is that?

With everything we have gone through in the last year this is the thing that hurts the most. It is easier to deal with physical pain than remember how I felt this day. It is the hardest to write about but I want to share everything not just the good times because God has a plan in all of it. And if you are struggling with Lyme Disease and have similar symptoms you can know that you are not alone and you can have hope that you will get better.

      One morning in September I woke up and did not recognize the man sleeping beside me. I looked at my husband and had no idea who he was. I was confused and scared. Then I looked at my left hand and saw my rings. I had no idea where they were from or why they were there. After a few minutes my memory gradually came back. I remembered who Shawn was but then I was devastated that I had forgotten him. I tried to forget about it but I could not shake that awful feeling. When Shawn woke up I let him know what happened. We both knew that this meant the Lyme was no longer just causing pain and extreme fatigue but was messing with my brain. The Lyme was out of control and there was nothing we could do to fix it on our own.

      In Hawai'i there are no deer ticks so very few people have even heard of Lyme. There are no doctors in the islands who work with Lyme either. Within a few minutes of me telling Shawn what happened we called my Lyme Specialist in Maryland. I was blessed to get an appointment the next week. After a crazy week of arranging things and packing we were off to Maryland.

      It still hurts to remember the way I felt that day. When the trailers for The Vow came out I burst out crying every time I saw it. So many of the clips they showed were like a playback of our life in the months following September. I now avoid seeing anything to do with the movie but when I do I was encouraged to start thanking God for all the things He has blessed us with especially during that difficult time. 

6 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing such a difficult moment in your sweet marriage. You are such a strong testament to those following your story and continue to prove your faithful trust in the Lord. Rest in the knowledge that though Lymes might cause you to forget, God has not forgotten you. Blessings to you and Shaun!

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  2. Thank you for the encouragement Ashley!

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  3. Oh Laura! What a difficult thing to face! Thanking the Lord that He has you both in the palm of His hand and has determined what was, what is, and what is to come. It is He that has made you, and He knows your limits and will not let you be tested beyond what you can bare.

    I was thinking about trials the other day and how difficult they are to go through, or to watch others go through, but what hit me most poignantly was that the Lord, not allowing more than a person can bare, can allow the right amount of trial to a person to prune them and refine them, and those people to whom He allows great trials to happen are the ones He knows can handle them. In this way, I see the Lord honoring those who are strongest by allowing to them what is the hardest, but what will make them, in this life, more beautifully shaped and purified then those who cannot endure the harder pruning and refining. Rest in his strength my sweet friend.

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    1. Thank you dear Heidi! It was encouraging to read your comment. Reminds me of my favorite Bible verse James 1:2-4. :)

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  4. Laura, words cannot express the pain that I feel being so far from you as you heal from this awful disease. I am grateful to see the Lord use your story to impact others.I am grateful to see you willingly allow him to use your pain for good. You are not broken, you are beach glass.Refined.Lovely. Amber. The best and rarest kind.

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    1. Thank you Momma. I am thankful that the miles between us never came between the encouraging and wise words you have shared and the help you've extended to us. "Whenever, wherever. We're meant to be together. I'll be there and you'll be near and that's the deal my dear."

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