Living Again

Love having more energy to make jewelry again!

Tonight I finally realized I am living not just surviving. I remember telling my mom a few times that I felt like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life when he cried in desperation, “I want to live again!” So many times in the past year and a half I have waited and prayed to get my life back. To be able to spend time with friends, be spontaneous, be a homemaker and so much more. I am slowly getting there and I could not be happier.

This week I was able to run several errands, spend hours with friends, decorate our new home and spend quality time with my hubby. All of these things are usually physically and mentally draining but I am gradually able to handle more and more in my day.

Some days are harder than others but I seem to be having more good days than bad. Praise the Lord! I may spend three to five hours in bed resting during the day but there have been many days where I could only be out and about for an hour! The time my body needs to rest between activities is getting shorter and shorter.

After 15 months on four different antibiotics my doctor told me yesterday that I can finally go off of one. What a huge step! Please pray that I will only get better and not worse during that transition period with the medications. I would also appreciate prayer that more memory would come back to me. I really want to be able to read and comprehend books again. Classics are really hard for me to get through these days. My brain has certainly come a long way but it is hard for me to think that it will all come back to me again.  Thank you all for your love and prayers!

October 1st

October 1st was a pretty crazy day at our house. Around 2 in the afternoon I was doing laundry and heard tires screeching and a huge crash in our driveway. I quickly ran outside as me and our neighbors surveyed the damage. We saw 3 damaged parked cars  and an older woman completely shaken up getting out of her car. We quickly found out she spoke no English and saw a friend of hers drive up behind her who began translating for us. Just as I was thanking God for protecting the woman, the neighborhood kids and our car, I heard one of the kid's yell "Look at the house!" I instantly knew that one of the parked cars had gone straight through our concrete bedroom wall. 

The neighbor's kids who saw the whole thing began to fill us in on the details. The elderly woman came speeding up our driveway and hit a car into our house then she reversed down the hill and then came speeding back up the driveway. Going back up she side swiped a truck and then crashed into a van and then proceeded to hit the gas and hit the van again. After that she was able to stop. As you would imagine she was quite shaken up and I don't think she even knew what happened. The EMTs came and left. I was very surprised they didn't take her to the hospital because the accident definitely seemed to be caused by something medical. She left soon after and I have no idea how she is doing today. We have kept her in prayer as I'm sure emotionally and physically she suffered from this accident.

When I came in to see the damage this is what I saw. I couldn't believe my eyes! The hole was about 4x4 foot. Damage to the house was pretty bad and we knew we couldn't stay there any longer. It didn't take me long to realize that if this had happened ten minutes later I would have been folding laundry exactly where all the concrete flew. Thank you God for protecting me!

We stayed with family for almost three months while searching for a place. Two days before Christmas we were able to move into a beautiful studio. I am so grateful this chapter in our life is over with and so excited for the new one. My health has dramatically improved since we left our house and I am so excited to have moved into our new place a little closer to "normal".

Beautiful Feet

{photo by my friend Tara}

     After the Lyme Disease took over my body and especially my brain, I have struggled with reading Scripture. My comprehension level has decreased significantly and honestly I have felt too stupid to read Scripture. I know it is a lie from the pit of hell but the thought still haunts me. God has blessed me by putting people into my life that remind me that I can still study Scripture and to ask God for more guidance as it is impossible for me to do alone. There are weeks that I follow through with devotions and then many weeks pass before I get back to it. Thankfully the healthier I get, the more I can concentrate and read His Word. Praise the Lord!

     A few days ago I was reading Matthew as I have been for a few weeks. When I finished reading I prayed like I always do and felt led to read the first chapter of 2 Corinthians. As I began to read verse three, I became overwhelmed with joy.

”Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.  If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

After I was diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, I have known how important it is to share my story and especially all that God has done through it.  My desire is to be there for others who are suffering. A few months ago, I met my dear friend K who is also suffering from Lyme Disease. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am that God took both of us mainland girls to Hawaii and then brought us together! K has been such a comfort to me. We understand each other’s struggles because we have been there and not many people have that blessing. The first day we spent together she asked me what God had been teaching me through the LD. I was blown away because not many people have that perspective and struggle to understand why I see God’s goodness through this. I am so thankful for K and the special bond we share.

God has blessed me with a few friends who struggle with LD and other chronic ailments. I am so grateful for the support and that we can be thankful together in the easy times, listen to each other in the hard times and always remember His faithfulness. And of course praying for each other and seeing the work that God does through prayer.  

And then I have been given friends who may not deal with physical pain daily but they understand my pain, are patient with me, and are always praying. I feel incredibly blessed that God allows us to be in each other’s lives. I am continually thankful that there are so many people praying for me and my husband. It is an amazing thing to be a part of the body of Christ.

Later that day as I scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed I saw a picture of feet and the verse from Romans 10:15b “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” as quoted from Isaiah. Because I am a visual learner the picture of feet made me see this verse in a whole new light. My feet, the weakest part of my body, is the whole reason why I share God’s goodness. The feet that have caused me such pain, God has given great purpose. As I type this, tears well up in my eyes because I am astounded by God’s love for me and the reminder that He has great purpose in my life. And while I spend hours in bed watching movies, perusing Pinterest and checking Facebook: He is preparing me for the story I am to tell today and for as long as I live.

Who is that?

With everything we have gone through in the last year this is the thing that hurts the most. It is easier to deal with physical pain than remember how I felt this day. It is the hardest to write about but I want to share everything not just the good times because God has a plan in all of it. And if you are struggling with Lyme Disease and have similar symptoms you can know that you are not alone and you can have hope that you will get better.

      One morning in September I woke up and did not recognize the man sleeping beside me. I looked at my husband and had no idea who he was. I was confused and scared. Then I looked at my left hand and saw my rings. I had no idea where they were from or why they were there. After a few minutes my memory gradually came back. I remembered who Shawn was but then I was devastated that I had forgotten him. I tried to forget about it but I could not shake that awful feeling. When Shawn woke up I let him know what happened. We both knew that this meant the Lyme was no longer just causing pain and extreme fatigue but was messing with my brain. The Lyme was out of control and there was nothing we could do to fix it on our own.

      In Hawai'i there are no deer ticks so very few people have even heard of Lyme. There are no doctors in the islands who work with Lyme either. Within a few minutes of me telling Shawn what happened we called my Lyme Specialist in Maryland. I was blessed to get an appointment the next week. After a crazy week of arranging things and packing we were off to Maryland.

      It still hurts to remember the way I felt that day. When the trailers for The Vow came out I burst out crying every time I saw it. So many of the clips they showed were like a playback of our life in the months following September. I now avoid seeing anything to do with the movie but when I do I was encouraged to start thanking God for all the things He has blessed us with especially during that difficult time. 

Life with Lyme - The Plan

{photo credit}

Before we got married Shawn and I began planning our jobs, school, and living situation. Normal engagement stuff. It was a crazy time let me tell you! Between planing a wedding and my family planning to move back to the mainland, life was total chaos. 

I had been working as a secretary and got the opportunity to teach Latin full time in the coming fall. I was very excited about my new job especially since I always dreamed of being a Latin teacher but never expected it to happen! Shawn liked the idea too but we soon realized how crazy our lives would be with him finishing school and working and me working around the clock (so many papers to grade!). So we left it in God's hands and trusted it would work out.

We began searching for an apartment soon after we were engaged. Finding affordable housing is not a simple task in Hawai'i. I could write a whole post about that but I shall refrain. We came close to renting places and it wouldn't work out at the last minute. So frustrating! A friend had just moved and had their old apartment vacant for a month. So for the month of June we had a place to live and after that nothing! Right before June ended we found an apartment. I think God was teaching us to trust His timing!

We both worked summer school during June. I was loving teaching the kids but my body was quickly falling apart. It took me a long time to let the kids I was teaching see me on crutches. I had been using them everywhere but work. I explained to them what was going on and they understood far more than I expected. Then my health got to the point where I went to the E.R. several times right after work. I made it through the end of my summer teaching but just barely.

In July I had a few weeks off and I was hoping with rest I would improve but I quickly became worse. I ended up pulling out of the Latin job two weeks before the school year began. It killed me and I felt like I failed but it was the best decision.

Summer ended and I just stayed at home. I spent my days on my laptop, watching television, and occasional crafts but the whole time I had a list of all the other things I wanted to be doing in my mind (housework, cooking, errands, etc.). I was dealing with a lot of pain, brain fog, nausea, headaches, you name it I probably felt it! What not everyone realizes is that Lyme effects your entire body and wherever there is weakness the Lyme attacks that area even more.

At first we thought I was dealing with my nerve injury so we made doctor appointments to figure out solutions. We were just beginning to think it was actually the Lyme when the unexpected happened. But that is for the next post...

Year One, Introduction

{via}

I have been convicted that I need to share exactly what Shawn and I have been going through these past ten months. Our story has been such a testament to the love of our Heavenly Father and I hope it is an encouragement to those who read it. It will not be easy for me to write all of it. Some memories I wish I could forget and I still cry when I think of them. But if I don't start at the beginning and share all the details, you will not be able to see the extent of God's work in our lives.

Over the next few months I will be sharing our story piece by piece. Not sure how long it will take or how often I will be able to post. My health is far better than a few months ago but it is still unpredictable. I hope you will come back and read our story post by post. We have been through so much in our first year as a married couple and I am certain that God has been preparing us for the years to come. And I know that as He has gotten us through this, He will bring us through whatever lies ahead.

A Wonderful Blessing

 

I watched It's a Wonderful Life with new eyes this year. I'm sure we can all relate to a point in our life where we feel worthless to anyone including ourselves. In the movie, George Bailey had the opportunity to see what life was like without him in his community. He had blessed so many people without realizing it. Without him, the city fell apart and the sinister Mr. Potter changed everyone's lives for the worse. They both chose their path in life: one to bless and the other to harm those around him for his personal gain.

The past few months have been a time of desperation in my life. I felt worthless most of the time. During those days a smile someone gave as they sat in their car letting me cross in front of them would brighten my outlook of the whole day. We are created to work together in this world and to play a part in each others' lives. Like Mr. Potter and George Bailey we choose how to treat one another and thus impact their lives.

The time of desperation in my life the past few months has changed my outlook in life. Although very difficult to go through I consider it a blessing and an honor. I am more grateful for simple things like making dinner, going to church, and running errands. I hope I do not forget this gift and continue to count my blessings. I encourage you to look at the small things in life that you can be grateful for and the struggles in your life may not seem so big after all. Sometimes it takes a lot of thankfulness and a little desperation to be so incredibly grateful for something as small as Zuzu's petals.